51

One more week!

At the end of the day
There is a car
Driving past lights
We all look ahead

Above the water
Everything rushes by
Sounds change and interrupt
There's always interference

Changes in the light
Refractions
The shapes and colors
Everything changes

The cold air smells damp
My ears ring as doors close
-KM

Every morning at 5:15 AM when I wake up:
wash my face, make tea, get dressed, wear contacts.
Every morning on the train a man with a tool kit
steals entry to stand near me on the platform.

In my classroom sunlight sifts through the blind
creating a pattern of stripes across the tables.
Everyday I tell myself: You can do this.
This is your classroom. Be confident.

It is hard to constantly be making corrections
and to be trying so hard. Sometimes my
anxiety takes over and my stomach feels
hallow. Remember it gets easier?

Here is to another Monday.
We're on the same team.
-Hannah

50

In 2004 we traveled to Philadelphia
to say goodbye to your friend.
Inside a temple where you could stand
up whenever you wanted.

We stayed in a house with tall stacks of papers
and a salon of religious paintings on the walls.
I caught my first cockroach in a shot glass.
I thought it was a cricket.

It was the first time I saw you play
the bass with your old friends in the
old band and Rose gave you a hard time.
And the wife was so happy because

this was all he ever wanted.
He always talked about it.
-Hannah

At what time, what place
Did it sink in;
Did it start to feel
So long

At what point did it change
You always felt so young
You always said
"I'm only twenty-five"

I wish you would have known then
How you would feel now
I wish we could have helped
Yet what's done is done

I wish I could have seen you one last time
-KM

49

As the descent begins
In a sudden sinking panic
Thoughts rush by
Too many to make amends with

The notion of not existing does not cause panic
But that sudden moment
How does it feel for it all to end
Will we know it, will we remember it?

Envisioning real body trauma
I cannot reckon what true pain feels like
I cannot envision the impact
My stomach tightens and turns

I see others thinking the same thoughts as me
With eyes tightly closed, with knuckle turning white
-KM

On a ferry across the river
we talked about trash and
I thought about when I
was a little kid.

We would miss the ferry
at Wood's Hole and go to the
bakery and the thrift shop
that smelled like everyone's closet.

The air smelled only like the ocean
and our car moved across it.
I loved how my hair went wild with
the wind. I'd look out for dogs.

On the other side we would
be there.
-Hannah